What's a boy?Addressing issues of masculinity | Aashi Singh

 Suggested Citation: Singh, A. (2021, July 9). What's a boy? Addressing issues of masculinity. Queer Academia. URL.

Gender rules every aspect of an individual’s life. From clothing to career, it defines what is accepted and what isn’t. Gender roles and norms are taught to children at a very young age. Girls are taught to play with dolls and are expected to like pink, whereas boys are taught to play with trucks and are supposed to like blue. Women are deemed as ‘weak’, ‘emotional’ and ‘submissive’ whereas men are labelled as ‘strong’, ‘aggressive’ and ‘dominant’ (Gupta, 2017). Men are constantly told to live up to certain standards to be respected. If they don’t fit into the specified gender norms then they are shamed and bullied both by family members as well as their peers. This has a severe psychological impact that is often ignored. According to a report by the National Crime Records Bureau titled “Accidental Deaths and Suicides in India 2019”, out of every 100 suicides, 70% were male. The same report revealed that 97,613 men committed suicide in 2019 as opposed to 41,493 women. This shows that patriarchal norms not only harm women but other genders as well, including men in India.

Patriarchy affects men negatively in several ways. They grow up having their emotional needs neglected and hearing phrases such as “Man up” and “Boys don’t cry”. This kind of upbringing conditions them to believe that expressing their emotions makes them weak, due to which they choose to suffer in silence instead of being open about their struggles. A major reason for this is the fact that patriarchal societies deem anything feminine as ‘inferior’ or ‘weak’, and since being emotional is considered a feminine trait, men are barred from being vulnerable (Singh, 2016). They are constantly forced to grow a beard or cut their hair short or play sports since these activities are considered ‘manly’ according to social norms. These norms restrict men from expressing themselves freely and take away their liberty to live life on their own terms. Such norms are designed to reinforce hetero/cisnormativity and often lead to violence against gender and sexually diverse individuals. Gay, non-binary and transgender individuals bear the brunt of the violence caused by toxic masculinity and in some cases, the perpetrators of violence are policemen such as in the case of Sanjit Mondal, a gay man who was physically and verbally assaulted by several policemen in Kolkata just for having a feminine gender expression (Bhattacharjee, 2020).

Schools play a major role in sowing the seeds of patriarchy and toxic masculinity into young minds. Boys are encouraged to participate in sports such as football and cricket which showcase their strength. There are separate teams for boys and girls. Rarely do boys and girls play together and even then, losing from a girl is considered to be shameful and unacceptable. They are persuaded to take up the science or commerce stream and opting for humanities is criticised and discouraged since careers like engineering and accounting are considered to be ‘masculine’. Schools also ensure a ‘proper’ way of behaving by enforcing rules about uniforms and hair (Gupta, 2017). Boys are expected to have trimmed hair and wear trousers. Wearing earrings or anything ‘feminine’ is strictly prohibited. Even if a boy dares to express his gender by growing out his hair or wearing earrings, he is met with homophobic and transphobic remarks, both by peers as well as teachers (Awasthi, 2020). Therefore, boys are forced to follow the strict norms, set by society and reinforced by schools. They have to conform to the rigid ideas of masculinity and continuously showcase their manhood in order to be respected. Often, they portray their masculinity by acting aggressive towards their peers or engaging in physical fights, a behaviour that later manifests into domestic violence.

Textbooks also reinforce traditional ideas of masculinity by portraying men as the breadwinners of the family. In 2017, The Hindu reported about Anais Leclere, a French political science student working with the NGO Action Aid, who analysed 10 NCERT textbooks of classes II-V. She found that men were portrayed as doctors, construction workers and milkmen whereas women were depicted as household workers whose main job was cooking and cleaning. Such content teaches boys that a woman belongs in the kitchen and men are responsible for earning. Even if a man shows interest in cooking, he is told that cooking is a girl’s job and that he should pursue more ‘manly’ interests (Gupta, 2017). If he shows interest in the field of fashion and make-up, he is judged and reprimanded for being feminine. Men are also condemned for wearing dresses or the colour pink (Acharya, 2015). All these situations make them believe that they need to follow the traditional norms of being tough and unempathetic, and avoid everything that is termed as ‘feminine’ in order to be socially accepted and respected.

The media also plays a significant role in propagating toxic ideas of masculinity and influencing the youth negatively. Almost every Bollywood film portrays the hero as hypermasculine and the heroine as the damsel in distress who needs to be rescued. Many of these plots revolve around the male lead stalking the female lead until she gives in to his desires. Most characters are heterosexual and cisgender and follow the traditional gender stereotypes. There is little to no representation of diverse sexualities and identities, and even if it does exist, it is highly problematic in nature. Films like Kabir Singh and Dabangg make the youth believe that showing aggression, being violent, objectifying and abusing women are ways of showing love. The ‘action’ scenes in films that are aimed to entertain the audience end up glorifying violence and physical harassment. They also create expectations for men to be tall, muscular and possess a toned body in order to be perceived as attractive by women. Dialogues like “Mard ko dard nahi hota” (A real man does not feel pain) make the viewers believe that feeling pain of any kind, be it physical or emotional, is not manly and therefore must not be talked about (Bardhan, 2018). Due to this, men retort to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as using alcohol and drugs [which is widely promoted in media] to deal with their issues. The National Mental Health Survey 2015-16 reported the prevalence of alcohol-use disorders in men to be 9% as opposed to 0.5% in women. The same report revealed that the overall mental morbidity rate of men was higher [13.9%] than that of women [7.5%] (Gururaj et al., 2016).

Men are more likely to suffer from mental illnesses because their issues are often ignored and they are told to act strong. Even if they do open up about their problems, their pain is invalidated. This is especially true when it comes to sexual abuse. There is a false belief that men cannot be raped because of the stereotype that men are sexually aggressive and therefore, must have consented. (Acharya, 2015). Due to this belief, the safety of young boys is often undermined by parents and family members who think that safety is only a concern for girls. In a study conducted among 2,211 school-going children in Chennai by Save the Children, and, Tulir–Center for Healing and Prevention of Child Sex Abuse, 49% of boys revealed that they had experienced sexual abuse. Another study, conducted by the Ministry of Women and Child Development in India reported that out of 12,447 respondents, spread across 13 states, 53% reported facing severe forms of abuse. Out of this 53%, 43% were girls and 57% boys. The same study revealed that 9 out of 13 states had higher rates of male sexual abuse than female sexual abuse. In states such as Delhi, the male sexual abuse rate was reported to be as high as 65% (Kacker et al., 2007). Thus, it is safe to say that male abuse does occur but patriarchy silences it and prevents men from reporting such incidents and healing from the trauma caused.

There are other reasons as well for the deteriorating mental health of men. One of the reasons is the societal pressure to hold a well-paying job and be the sole breadwinner of the family since a patriarchal society does not allow women to work and support the family. Even if a woman does work, the man is expected to earn more than her. Since childhood, men are socialised to take care of women and protect them even if they have to neglect their own needs or put themselves in danger to do so. This kind of socialisation leads to their desire to control women. Men are expected to be angry, violent and ready to pick up a fight. If they fail to do so then they are accused of not being masculine enough and taunted to engage in more ‘feminine’ acts. They are also expected to maintain social order even if it means breaking the law (Bhargava, 2019). There is no doubt that patriarchy favours men and gives them certain privileges but to enjoy these privileges they have to prove their manhood and adhere to the norms of masculinity. Failure to do so leads to oppression. Men who adopt practices that society considers feminine are bullied and harassed. Therefore, there is a hierarchy that exists among men due to which some men are more likely to experience abuse than others. This includes low-income individuals and men who lie outside of the power system such as gay, bisexual and transgender individuals (Verma & Kedia, 2021). Thus, anyone who doesn’t conform to hypermasculinity and fails to fulfil societal expectations is prone to suffering. Ultimately, this leads to the creation of individuals who have unresolved trauma, anger and the need to dominate minorities in order to fit into society.

It is high time that men’s issues are given attention and brought to the limelight since the imposition of gender norms on men affects everyone. Often, women as well as queer individuals are forced to deal with men’s anger, violence and hypermasculinity, and are subjugated by men’s actions. In order to bring real change and create an equitable society, it is essential to address men’s issues and provide them adequate support so that they can become healthy individuals who don’t feel the need to dominate others. It is also essential to enforce gender-neutral rape laws in India since currently, Section 375 of the Indian Penal Code considers that rape is something that only a man can do to a woman. This completely invalidates the abuse that thousands of men, trans as well as non-binary individuals have suffered. They cannot get justice because Indian law denies them so. (Stokes, 2014). Even the debates surrounding the need to criminalise marital rape are focused only on women being raped by men and there is no discussion regarding male sexual abuse. All of this negatively impacts men’s mental health. Starting conversations about men’s mental health and providing them with a space to be vulnerable and express themselves without any judgement would help to unlearn years of trauma caused by patriarchy. It will also help them to lead a happy life free from the constraints of gender norms and stereotypes. This will help to create a society wherein all individuals will be respected regardless of their gender identity, gender expression or sexual orientation.

References

Acharya, P. (2015, April 29). How Patriarchy Hurts Men Too. Feminism In India. https://feminisminindia.com/2015/04/29/how-patriarchy-hurts-men-too/.

Awasthi, G. (2020, July 9). How the Indian School System Reinforces Gender Norms. Live Wire. https://livewire.thewire.in/gender-and-sexuality/how-the-indian-school-system-reinforces-gender-norms/.

Bardhan, S. (2018, May 31). Bollywood's Tryst With Toxic Masculinity. Feminism In India. https://feminisminindia.com/2018/05/16/bollywoods-tryst-toxic-masculinity/.

Bhargava, R. (2019, August 27). India's culture of toxic masculinity. The Hindu. https://www.thehindu.com/opinion/op-ed/indias-culture-of-toxic-masculinity/article29262252.ece.

Bhattacharjee, P. (2020). Police Violence Against LGTBQIA+ People in Kolkata Highlights Need for Sensitisation. The Wire. https://thewire.in/lgbtqia/police-violence-against-lgtbqia-people-in-kolkata-highlights-need-for-sensitisation.

Gupta, S. (2017, November 21). Boyhood And The Dangers Of Toxic Masculinity. Feminism In India. https://feminisminindia.com/2017/05/31/boyhood-dangers-toxic-masculinity/.

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Ministry of Home Affairs, & India, G. O., Accidental Deaths and Suicides in India201–203 (2020). New Delhi, New Delhi; National Crime Records Bureau. https://ncrb.gov.in/sites/default/files/ADSI_2019_FULL%20REPORT_updated.pdf.

Ministry of Women and Child Development, Kacker, L., Varadan, S., & Kumar, P., Study on Child Abuse: INDIA 2007 (2007). New Delhi, New Delhi; Ministry of Women and Child Development. https://resourcecentre.savethechildren.net/node/4978/pdf/4978.pdf.

Reporter, S. (2017, June 27). NCERT textbooks riddled with gender stereotypes: Study. The Hindu. https://www.thehindu.com/news/national/karnataka/ncert-textbooks-riddled-with-gender-stereotypes-study/article19157408.ece.

Save the Children Sweden, South and Central Asia Region, CPHCSA, T., & Children, S. the, Doesn't Every Child Count? Research on Prevalence & Dynamics of Child Sexual Abuse Among School Going Children in Chennai (2006). Chennai, Tamil Nadu; TULIR - CPHCSA. https://www.tulir.org/images/pdf/Research%20Report1.pdf.

Singh, P. (2016, October 6). 11 Ways How Toxic Masculinity Hurts Men. Feminism In India. https://feminisminindia.com/2016/10/06/toxic-masculinity-hurts-men/.

Stokes, J. (2014, September 10). India's law should recognise that men can be raped too. Scroll.in. https://scroll.in/article/676510/India's-law-should-recognise-that-men-can-be-raped-too.

 Verma, R., & Kedia, S. (2021, January 6). We need to talk about men. India Development Review. https://idronline.org/need-talk-men/.

Written by: Aashi Singh

Reviewed by: Smriti Gupta, Kanav Sahgal

About the Author: Aashi Singh is a student of English Honours at Christ University, Bangalore. She takes great pleasure in reading books, writing poetry and painting. She is an Ally and always does her best to raise awareness and garner support for the queer community.